1 miracle, please…?



By witchypoo ~ February 1st, 2010. Filed under: day2day, nuts.

According to Dictionary.com, a miracle is an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause.

Well, that’s what I need ‘cause I’m hooped.

You see, when I bought my house a year ago I was just a shave off ‘desperate’. The economy was teetering on the verge of collapse, banks were tightening their purse strings, my daughter was pregnant and wouldn’t be able to work to keep herself and her baby, and my nerves and checkbook couldn’t take waiting any longer. So, when I found this house, I knew it had ‘issues’ but I grabbed it.

In time, I figured I’d be able to get my finances back into order and find a way to pay for repairs. Then, my employer froze our wages and jobs disappeared and I found myself having to go deeper and deeper into debt to keep myself and help my daughter. ‘At least we’ve got a roof over our heads and we’re getting by,’ I thought, but each time I looked around the house I saw the structural damage worsening. ‘Later,’ I’d tell myself, and pray that it could hold out a little longer.

Then, my daughter moved out and I was forced to get a roommate to get by, but with all of our things in the house I’m seeing more and more damage around me. Just the other day when I tapped a nail into a wall I herd a weird noise and turned back to find a big crack had appeared in that wall. Sigh.

That’s why I need a miracle. I don’t have the funds to fix things myself and I know that I can’t get a loan when I’m already struggling to get by. There’s no one else to help me and the stress of dealing with life’s forced my blood pressure off the scales so getting another job would probably push me over the edge.

I need the Gods to grant me a miracle. I need them to help me find a way to get this place structurally sound and to repair the damage done by the previous owner’s DIY reno and my neglect.

Of course, the Gods help those who help themselves, so I guess I’ll have to call around and get some quotes so I can set some realistic goals for myself. If I write off any hope of buying ‘extras’ and get brutal on my self-discipline, maybe I can find a way to save enough to get it done this year. Mean time, I’m praying for a miracle.

accomplishment



By witchypoo ~ January 28th, 2010. Filed under: day2day.

A while ago I wrote about starting a list – a ‘coping tool’ for crazy times AND a way of closing out the old year and getting a fresh start on the new one – and I’ve been working hard at it.
This past weekend alone I got a dental cleaning, did household chores and cleaning, fixed the shower faucet, rebuilt my couch, moved furniture, visited with my granddaughter, daughter, and friends, and still had time to watch a movie or two, so I’m busy but in a good way. Guess that’s the thing about doing this kind of list… if you look at it as ‘work’ it seems harder, but because I know it’s all for a purpose and that it’ll set me up for a good start to 2010, it doesn’t seem bad. As a matter of fact, it’s kind of fun and exciting.
Each time I’ve ticked off more items on the list I’ve felt like I’ve ‘accomplished’ something.
Anyways, I’m happy because yesterday after work I had a friend over and managed to get the last of the heavy moving done so now it’s down to sorting, cleaning, and decorating and the BS paperwork I know I’ve got to do for taxes and such.
At this point, though, after only a little more than 2 weeks, I’ve managed to go from a list that covered both sides of an 8 1/2 x 11″ sheet of paper down to maybe a dozen items that need doing.
Of course, more will be added as time goes by, but the whole idea of doing this is to keep a running list that will help me to keep on track and accomplish things in the Year of the Tiger. After all, this is a year for being on the move – being ready and able to strike when oportunity presents itself – and having a plan and being unencumbered by ‘old business’ should make success more likely.
So, here’s to ‘doing’ instead of ‘trying’… ‘risking’ instead of playing it safe… and to the Tiger, that I know will be a great year!

my list



By witchypoo ~ January 16th, 2010. Filed under: day2day.

Congratulations to me! I’ve been in my house for a year!

You know, when I stop to think about it I’m still amazed it’s happened. Of course, this year’s little more than a blur of grass cutting and work and concerns for the future but I guess it’s important to take a minute once in a while and acknowledge some of the accomplishments we manage.

In fact, for weeks now I’ve been thinking that if you’d told me even a few years ago that one day I would be single again, that I’d buy my own house and keep it with a real ‘office type’ job, or that I’d manage to help my daughter through having my first grandchild… well, I’d have said ‘good luck with that’ and figure you’d lost it. And yet, here I am, a grandmother, a home owner, and someone with more than 6 years in at one of the largest companies in the area.

I guess the messages from the Universe are right when they remind you to look at your life and remember that what you are now is the result of wishes you had for yourself yesterday. Guess I was aiming higher than I realized AND that it’s up to me to dream even bigger dreams for the future because I’m obviously capable of making them come true. (With a little help from my friends, of course!)

Point is, though, that having seen what can be done with a little WILL and the WORD, I’m starting to believe that I can make things happen. With that in mind, I’m seeing a change in my attitude and my actions that I hope will bring bigger and better days to come.

Once again, for example, I’ve made myself a list of “old business” from 2009 that needs to be closed out and in the past 2 weeks have managed to knock about a dozen items off of it, and I’m attempting to finish it all by the (Chinese) New Year.

The intention is that if I clear out the old business this way, I can set myself up to take on the new year with a fresh attitude and energy and considering this one’s the Year of the Tiger… well, I’m hoping it’ll be a good one : )

The big thing here, I think, is learning to dream BIG and that’s something that’s been a challenge for me for a long time.

This year, as I look forward to the future, I’m trying really hard not to put limits and barriers up in front of myself and  to reach really high so that even if I don’t make my goals I’ll have accomplished something amazing. Some of the things I’d like to see happen are…

-         finding a way to repair and support the house/fix the basement

-         getting an ‘emergency’ savings fund in place

-         visiting my brother and sister

-         earning additional income/increasing earnings from my ‘day job’

-         taking risks and reaping benefits

-         falling in love/being in a relationship

Goodness knows I’m intimidated by the prospects but I’m not going to let that stop me from trying. As my sister says, ‘Never let fear and common sense slow you down.’

So, here’s to being fierce in the Year of the Tiger…

Now, I’m off to knock a few more items off my list. Cheers!

a plan



By witchypoo ~ January 6th, 2010. Filed under: day2day.

That’s it!

The time between the Western New Year and the Chinese New Year is supposed to be my ‘grace period’ when I tie up loose ends from the old year and prepare myself for the new one… and what have I been doing…?

Dogging it.

Oh, I’ve half started – half finished jobs and I’ve gotten some things done, but I’ve also been lazing around, feeling sorry for myself, and ‘lonely’… and that’s just not cutting it.

If I don’t get something happening soon the New Year will be rolling by and I’ll have gotten nowhere or I’ll have to hurt myself just to keep up.

So, today I made a list of everything I could think of that needs doing in the next few weeks and I’m going to keep it with me and start ticking things off as I go. I’ve set a tentative deadline for February 1st and will amend that as I go but something is going to get done!

One of the first things I’m going to do is to get the kitchen straightened out. Can’t cook right otherwise… which means you can’t eat right… which means you can’t live right. So, everything needs to be in order there.

The other is that I need to get back to exercising. The last straw was when I quit doing my yoga regularly for the first time in more than 7 years. I’m disgusted and ashamed of me but I’m just going to have to figure it out and do it!

If I can get the eating and exercise right and build my feeling of accomplishment by attending to my ‘to do’ list, then surely to goodness I can start the new year better.

Finally, I think I need to get something visual happening – even a sign on my desk or a wall – that says ‘I’m a YES girl’!

I made myself the promise that I’m going to quit holding myself back in life and start experiencing more. To do that, I have to get over my habit of always saying ‘no’… and if the past few years have taught me nothing, it’s that changing your language changes your life. So, I need to say ‘YES’ more ‘till it rolls off my tongue naturally.

Okay, enough ranting at myself. I’m off to finish some chores and convince myself that what I’ve said here is FACT.

2009 – goodbye Year of the Ox



By witchypoo ~ December 31st, 2009. Filed under: day2day.

In January of 2009 I bought a house and moved into it with my daughter, in February she had her first child (my 1st grandchild!), and by March I was dealing with baby showers and utility hook ups. April and May were all about utility hook ups, household chores, and car troubles. June, July, and August were a blur of ‘work, home, sleep… work, home, sleep’… passed faster than a bad burrito, and were about as much fun. September, October, and November were eaten up by doctor’s appointments and dealing with my daughter wanting to move out, and in December that happenned, so I was left to face the holidays and the need for a roommate alone.
When I look back on this year, I’ll probably remember…
- being terrified about owning a house and discovering that I could do it
- feeling much the same about having a baby here, but enjoying her immensely
- working, literally, until I dropped
- challenging myself to be around people I couldn’t stand and learning from it
- getting screwed over, once again, by my employers
- watching the 3 horsemen… Economic Upheaval, (supposedly) ‘Pandemic’ Disease, and impending Ecological Disaster ride roughshod over everyone and despising the media for using them to whip everyone into a frenzy
- hating reality t.v., ‘chip’ technology, commercials for gold buyers
- loving squash, beets, and sweet potatoes
- watching friends lose their jobs and being glad to have mine
- learning that I could watch my investments drop like a rock and not lose sleep over it
- deciding that maybe… just maybe… I’d be willing to date someone if I could just find the right time and someone
Some of the lessons I’ll take from this year are…
- I can’t do it all on my own
- I have the best friends ever
- that it’s the people we like least that teach us the lessons we most need
- my health has to come first
- remember… you can’t take it personally!
- I can deal with a lot more than I thought I could
- ballancing life – finding time for work, rest, and play – is an difficult but vital task
- I am not willing to be ’second’ on any guy’s list
- a big part of my ‘pickiness’ with men stems from how strong my female role models are
- gratitude is a way of life
- I am not the ’stress puppy’ I thought I was
- your brain lies to you, your body doesn’t, and listening to the latter eliminates stress
- not letting your ego get in the way clears the path to a happier life
- miracles do happen
Looking back on this year in the future, I also hope I’ll remember that there were some good times.
This year, we snuck my granddaughter into her first musical event, took her to her first bonfire, and I truly enjoyed suppers and walks with her. I spent a lot of time with my daughter and learned more about her as a ‘person’. I continued to put effort into getting closer to my son. I tried roller blading and assisted with a photo-shoot, built a path and planted flowers, tried acupuncture and hypnosis, and I started making my house my ‘home’.
I’d expected the Year of the Ox to be slow moving, laborious, and productive – to be a year for family and to struggle with ‘temper’ – and I expected to fail at a lot of things. In retrospect, it was a wickedly fast and eventful year, it wasn’t visibly productive but maintaining the status quo in it was an accomplishment in itself. And, I dealt with my temper and my family as best I could. I also think I ’succeeded’… especially in ‘learning’.
I think I’ll be glad to put 2009 behind me but it wasn’t without it’s blessings <|: )

tiger, tiger



By witchypoo ~ December 23rd, 2009. Filed under: day2day.

So, the Tiger has returned…?

I’d felt something was afoot when the latest round of turmoil disrupted at work and didn’t settle as amicably and quickly as it usually does. In fact, far from settling, it fermented and spilled over into other areas of life. Concerned I’d lose the social network I’d worked so hard to build, I searched for the source of the trouble but couldn’t pin point it.

Then, I learned that the Year of the Tiger is dawning.

The Tiger and I are acquainted, having met some dozen years ago in much the same manner. Then, as now, I’d sensed discord around me and seen signs in the ending of friendships and the conflict in my own marriage. But, it was when even strangers seemed to be unaccountably aggressive that I finally consulted my sister for advice.

‘I don’t know what to do!’ I told her, though I’d certainly done my best to mend relations and restore good will. The truth of the matter was that I was feeling quite bruised from it all and feared I’d unwittingly been the cause of it all.

‘Yah, it’s you,’ she said, but then immediately recanted and chided me for over-sensitivity. ‘It’s the Year of the Tiger,’ she said, as though that explained everything.

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ I demanded, although I guessed she was referring to Chinese astrology of which I was only vaguely aware.

I knew, for example, that it’s a 12-year cyclical affair, with each year ruled by an animal, and each cardinal animal’s nature or traits supposedly affecting the people born under its sign, as well as people and events that happened in it generally.

‘Think of a tiger in the wild…’ she prompted. ‘What’s a tiger all about?’

Knowing she wouldn’t help me further until I answered, I forced back my frustration and thought aloud. ‘They’re predators… top of the food chain… claws and teeth…’

‘Solitary… opportunistic… and short tempered…’ she interrupted, ‘like a lot of people lately… right?’

I started to see where she was leading.

‘And what are you?’ she asked, and then answered herself. ‘You’re a Horse, a ‘prey’ animal. So, what do tigers do to horses?’

‘Eat them?’ Suddenly, a lot of apparently random incidents connected and took on new meaning. ‘What can I do?’ I asked, and wondered how I’d cope with an entire year of such animosity and stress.

‘Be the Tiger,’ she shrugged.

Of course, I argued that I was a Horse, not a Tiger, and complained that I didn’t deal well with confrontation and conflict. ‘There’s nothing to fear but fear itself,’ she laughed, and insisted I’d learn if I only tried.

‘Trying’ and ‘doing’ are two different things, though, and true to my nature I made many false starts before I ever truly faced my fears. More often than not, when faced with conflict, risk, or danger, I’d allow them to rule me and run before I’d learned a thing. The truth of the matter is, though, that even a horse can only run so far before it risks losing the things it knows or loves.

Backed into a corner, I eventually lashed out and to my utter amazement found the experience exhilarating. Never having felt free to express anger in the past, I’d feared that if I did I’d lose something. Instead, I gained a little ground, and with it some much needed self-confidence and the courage to do more.

That year, I also learned that there are times when no matter what you do others will find fault, test boundaries, and generally cause havoc, but that you always have the choice as to how you will allow this to affect your own life. There’s much to be said for picking your battles and not taking things too personally. 

I’d barely unsheathed my claws, however, before the Tiger waned and took with it the opportunity to explore it’s lessons. Rather than feeling the relief I’d thought I would, I was surprised to realize I was disappointed by having to tamp down my newfound assertiveness.

‘But I was just starting to have fun!’ I complained to my sister, the only person I thought would understand because, as a Monkey, she’d spent the year tugging tails and throwing poo at the face of danger.

‘Wasn’t it fun though?’ she chattered. ‘New year. Keep up!’

Newly aware of the import of this strange and yet seemingly useful system for dealing with life, I forged ahead, determined to learn from each successive year, but worried that I’d lose the lessons of the Tiger that’d proven valuable to me. As time passed, however, I began to see that they could be retained and refined into a ‘skill set’ that could be called upon when the need arose.

Hare… Ox… Rat… each offered it’s own lessons and experiences, but none seemed as difficult to learn and retain nor as valuable to me as those of the Tiger.

So, it’s with a mix of trepidation and excitement, then, that I greet the Tiger’s return. Yes, it can bring great losses and gains materially and spiritually, with all the risks and opportunities they imply for the world. And, yes, it can cause upheaval and conflict. But, it’ll also be an opportunity for me to unleash the Tiger that’s been hiding in me for so long, and to see what new lessons and experiences it’ll teach me.

Here… kitty kitty kitty…!

Victorian Xmas ornament



By witchypoo ~ December 23rd, 2009. Filed under: crafts.

My favorite of the Victorian Xmas ornaments I’ve been working on…

ornament

TRex ballon style – 20091221



By witchypoo ~ December 21st, 2009. Filed under: random images.
ballon TRex

ballon TRex

A ballon animal made for me at the NuCom Xmas party. Grrr!

sunset – 20091206



By witchypoo ~ December 7th, 2009. Filed under: random images.
sunset
sunset

Back in June my daughter and I spent an evening hiking by the lake (Ontario) and I caught this sunset. I’m posting it to remind myself that miracles happen all around us every day. We just have to stop and see them.

thank you!



By witchypoo ~ December 6th, 2009. Filed under: day2day, nuts.

Okay, so I’m crying again! But I can’t help it!

See, I just went out to Gigi and Paul’s place to pick up my house key and while I was visiting her son Pauley offered to come and help me move my furniture this week. Then, when Gigi and I were talking about Xmas and I mentioned that I saw a vacuum I wanted to buy my boy Chris, she said ‘come with me’ and the next thing I knew she was giving me a practically new vaccuum!

So… yah… I’m crying because on the one hand life sucks. My taxes are going up and I’ve got 3 mortgage payments due in December and my house still needs work and the car’s a POS… but on the other hand I’ve got the best friends anybody could ask for and pretty soon I’ll have a roommate and we’ll celebrate baby’s first Xmas… and it’s all really emotional for me.

You know, ever since I was little the Christmas has sucked for me. It was always wrapped up with guilt and obligation and stress. But, over the past few years I’ve started sharing my life with people who’re teaching me that Xmas is a good thing – that it’s about friends and sharing and fun – and even though I’ll never wake up and find out that my father’s back or that Santa’s been… Well… little miracles still happen.

That’s why I’m crying now… because I’ve just gotten a little Xmas miracle and it makes my heart so full of gratitude that I just can’t keep it all in. The Universe might work in strange ways – I might have to suck it up and accept that the baby doesn’t live here any more and such – but we’ll figure it out. I’ve just got to remember to leave myself open to life’s little miracles and to be greatful for the things that matter like my friends <|: )