Had a bit of a revelation the other day while trying a little meditation-slash-self healing work on these cysts…
While visualizing them breaking down and being absorbed by my system I realized that I was feeling hostile and repulsed by them. Like being invaded by deadly aliens – tres uncomfortable!
Then, I realized that what they really were was potential babies that just didn’t make it and I asked myself how I felt about that. To my surprise I felt a little sad. And, as I explored that, I realized that had they ‘made it’, I would have loved them.
Suddenly, I was able to wrap my mind and heart around seeing them differently… with love and compassion… instead of outright rejecting and fearing them.
If anyone would have guessed what I was up to they’d have probably thought I was nuts, but I ‘said’ “I’m sorry, but you’ve manifest in a way that’s hurtful to me and I need you guys to allow yourselves to break down and be absorbed by my body safely and painlessly and for you to go on and try for another incarnation elsewhere.”
Maybe it was my imagination, but I actually think that the swelling went down and that the pain lessened noticeably. Cool!
The other thing was that, despite all my talk of Ester Estrogen (my remaining ovary) being my ‘friend’, I was still freaked out by her/it. I mean, ovaries do look kind of sea creature-esque and she is the source of these cysts. In fact, I’d say I was feeling alienated from and fearful of all my reproductive organs. That came as something of a shock until I took the time to think about it and realized it’d pretty much always been that way.
When I was little, of course, they were just a part of me I was oblivious to, but once I started menstruating they became mysterious and ‘icky’. Childbirth, tubal ligation, periods, and all the attendant negative messages I’d received from the world over the years didn’t make us any better friends and when these cysts started popping up… Well, as you can imagine, I started feeling some pretty strong mistrust.
So, I guess it’s no wonder my body’s returning my hostility by manifesting these growths and I guess it’s time I start working on a new way to co-exist with these female parts because I certainly don’t want to keep getting these cysts.
Anyways, just thought I’d share.